Dear Spiritual Companions,

Did you ever fight with life?  For example, things are not going the way they are supposed to so you fight to make them different.  I think that is a fairly common human trait.  Life can be uncomfortable and disillusioning at times so what better thing to do than to change it.  This is where I was living recently.  I was feeling uneasy and this is always a personal reminder that something is up.  I then hope and pray that I will not feel this way too long.  Finally at the right time a break through comes.  This time it was the realization that I was fighting life and what was happening to me.  The old thoughts  of you should be doing this or that to make life different crept back into my mind.  I was not c0mpleting things that I knew had to be finished.  In my quiet time it with God it finally came to me – “You are fighting life!”  Now what, I asked?  Stop was God’s response!  But how I thought.

I am still adjusting to my latest step in life – retirement.  I am finding out what I am called to be and thereby do.  All of my adult life I have lived the servant role.  It has been clear that  I will continue to have ample opportunities to still be a servant in my last part of  life.  It doesn’t make a lot of sense that this is a problem.  I find life very fulfilling when I am being there for myself and others.  So what is happening in me?  I came to realize I am fighting how servant hood is unfolding and its timing in my life.  What is the answer?  Let it be what it is!  Let what be what it is?  Life.  That seems self evident, but for some reason we find it unacceptable?  Why?  My hunch is, because like a child, we want what we want when we want it.  What makes this even more difficult is in our childishness we are not sure what we want so even if we get it we are not satisfied.  The hole in our soul raises its head at this point and we are faced with the human condition of believing we lack something.  Notice this isn’t a spiritual condition, but rather one we have created during this human lifetime.

How do we arrive at the spiritual condition of knowing we have everything we truly want?  You may not like this, because I know I am not totally thrilled myself with the answer - we are already one with this condition.  It is our focus that is foggy.  We are centered on what we have been taught – the physical reality is all that matters.  We thereby allow the ups and downs of life to drive our emotions and body.  A great example of this is found in the image of Life being like a river.  On the surface of the river is our human reality and the waves of not having this or things not working out the way we want it to which toss’s and turn’s us this way and that.  If we slow down and are a little quiet we start sinking deeper into the spirit.  The further we go down into the depths of God the more peaceful and calm life becomes.  When we get to the bottom of things we realize we have everything we need.  God is breathing into our spirit whatever our heart desires.  When we float back up to the surface, if we remember this gift of peacefulness, we are no longer tossed and turned by what the world offers.  This becomes the moment when the peace that passes all human understanding arrives.  We no longer find ourselves fighting anything.  We are free at last – until the next teaching of this human existence.

My uneasiness is gone now for the most part.  I find comfort in letting my retirement be whatever it is.  I am finding the joy again in being able to do what I want to do.  I do not have to force things, even if they are not going my way or the way my loved ones want them to go.  Why I can even let my sports teams lose on occasion.  What I thought was so important really doesn’t matter after all.  If I die in the next few minutes I can go with a peaceful smile on my face and a knowledge that I will be returning to the Love of my spirit – God.  Does it truly get any better than this?

Peace

Gary